By Charles Staley, B.Sc,
MSS
Director, Staley Training Systems
In past articles I've defined and
described the differences between exercisers and athletes. This
week, I'll present four practices that characterize the self-loathing
exerciser mentality.
Don't despair if you're "guilty"
of one or more of these practices yourself- in a future article,
I'll describe, in detail, how you can rid yourself of exercise addiction
- forever. For now, just admit your powerlessness over exercise-dependency,
have faith in a higher power, and simply resolve, here and now,
to stop exercising. Today can truly be the day that you change your
life forever…
Vegetarianism: No More Protein For You
Think about this for a moment - if
you had a case of chronic guilt and were looking for a good dose
of punishment, what kind of nutritional approach would appeal to
you?
How about vegetarianism? It's really
a perfect choice because you can simultaneously deprive yourself
of nearly every healthy food that tastes good, and you can atone
for your lifestyle sins by helping to save the animals.
I always wondered why people
felt guilty about eating creatures like (for example) chickens,
and finally it occurred to me that it's misplaced guilt. After
all, if you lived in a World where chickens were as big as
people, and where people were as small as chickens, you're
toast baby, because no chicken is going to put its conscience
before a meal.
And if vegetarianism isn't punitive
enough, exercisers can further cleanse their spirit by adopting
any of several even harsher varieties of nutri-torture, including
veganism, raw-food diets, and macrobiotic diets. And finally,
truly advanced exercisers can earn their post-graduate credentials
in cleansing, fasting, and colonics.
While I'm on the subject, check out
my buddy Tim VanOrden, who claims that he doesn't eat protein. How
he maintains all that muscle mass is a mystery to me:
Forced Reps: It Hurts So Good
I'm
Guessing She's A Vegan
It's not hard to see why exercisers
would be drawn to a tactic like forced reps. After all, it
hurts to go to failure, but it hurts more to do forced reps.
And make no mistake - despite
the fact that forced reps occur long after your fast-twitch
fibers have gone on permanent hiatus, these puppies do hurt
- a lot.
One potential downside of forced
reps is that they require a partner, however, for exercisers
this is actually a plus because it helps to define each person's
role- either as the punisher or the punishee.
The fact that forced reps are
completely antagonistic to fast-twitch fiber recruitment and
athletic attributes makes it even more effective from an exerciser's
point of view: exercisers favor tactics featuring a high pain/low
payoff ratio, and forced reps are ideal in this regard.
Corrective Exercise: You've Been A Bad Boy
The essence of corrective exercise
of course, is correction. This appeals to people who've accumulated
a lot of guilt, presumably over years of inactivity and bad
eating habits. It's almost as if exercisers feel the need
to punish themselves as a way to atone for their past transgressions,
real or imagined.
Thankfully for the guilt-ridden
throngs, there are plenty of corrective-exercise specialists
(who now assume Paul Chek's surname) ready and willing to
help them out.
With the careful guidance of
these extensively trained professionals, exercisers can re-learn
how to sit, stand, walk, breathe, and eat, not to mention
exercise. In fact, exercisers can even learn how to examine
their own poop for further evidence of past wrongs.
Your
Leader Contemplating His TVA
No
Squats For You, Your First Rib Angle Is Dysfunctional!
Thank your lucky stars you found
a corrective exercise practitioner before you went out and
developed upper-cross syndrome from trying power cleans before
you were ready.
And a word to the wise: you'll
never be ready. So don't even think about moving any kind
of respectable weights- we'll need to wait until your poop
floats before we can let that happen.
Time Under Tension: Prolong The Pain
The only thing that's more appealing
to exercisers than pain is - you guessed it- prolonged pain. Which
is exactly what "TUT" provides.
TUT is great for exercisers needing
instant atonement, but it's a poor choice for athletes (excepting
perhaps Tai Chi and live mannequin competitions).
You might be thinking that I'm making
too much of what you'd assume to be a fringe practice, but then
again, maybe you've never heard of the Super
Slow Exercise Guild.
Now, the beauty of TUT is two-fold:
not only does the exerciser receive a big dose of prolonged punishment,
he's also deprived of the reward of accomplishment. In the exerciser's
mind, accomplishment is a bad thing because it offsets the evidence
of guilt- the more accomplishments you have, the harder it is to
feel guilty. Compare the experience of say, a powerlifter with that
of a Super Slow exercise convert:
The powerlifter goes to the
gym to test her deadlift max. She relishes the anticipation
of possibly setting a new Personal Record, and takes pride
in being much stronger than most women.
As she works her way through
her warm-up sets, she basks in the endorphin and adrenaline
cocktail now running through her veins, and when her top lift
has been accomplished, her confidence is boosted as she confronts
her doubts and tests her will against gravity.
The Super Slow exerciser's workout
isn't nearly as fun, unfortunately. For starters, super-slow
repetitions aren't amenable to fun, worthwhile exercises like
powerlifts, strongman events, Olympic lifts, or kettlebell
drills. Typically, machines are used, which completely rob
the exerciser of any possible sense of achievement.
But remember, this isn't supposed
to be fun.
I should point out that I greatly
admire the genius required to devise a form of physical activity
so completely devoid of fun, pride, self-respect, accomplishment,
functionality, and value. It's the combination of machines and super-low
speed that makes this possible: most machines feature a cowling
that masks the weight stack from the exerciser's view. Couple this
with tai-chi-like slow motion, and you've got an activity that very
closely mimics non-activity, even though it causes enormous pain.
Next Week…
Stay tuned for some powerful information
and resources that I'll be sharing with you over the coming weeks.
Even if you've been addicted for years, we'll help you gain control
over your exercise-dependency problem once and for all!
About The Author
His colleagues call him an iconoclast,
a visionary, a rule-breaker. His clients call him “The
Secret Weapon” for his ability to see what other coaches
miss. Charles calls himself a “geek” who struggled
in Phys Ed throughout school. Whatever you call him, Charles’
methods are ahead of their time and quickly produce serious
results. His counter-intuitive approach and self-effacing
demeanor have lead to appearances on NBC’s The TODAY
Show and The CBS Early Show.
Currently, Charles competes
in Olympic-style weightlifting on the master’s circuit,
with a 3-year goal of qualifying for the 2009 Master’s
World Championships.
Learn More
About
EDT Training!
Charles Staley’s
training package "The Complete
Video Guide To Escalating Density Training" is available
now!
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